My Holiday Blues

     The Holiday Season is very difficult for me this year. No matter how much I try and hide, I cannot hide from my grief. The pain is so intense, almost as intense as the day I lost Jamarr. He's 32 years old now and I often wonder what he'd being doing or where he'd be living? I wonder if he'd have a wife and kids by now; would he have finished college and gone onto Grad school? What would he have chosen for his career? 
     My HEART aches. I know life goes on, whether we participate in it or not. It stops for no one. I am, however, entitled to pause for a moment; step back and watch life itself pass me by; even if just for a moment. But, this Holiday Season, I'm having difficulty coming out of my pause. 
     

     

New Year's Resolutions For Bereaved Parents

  I resolve...
That I will grieve as much, and for as long, as I feel like grieving, and that I will not let others put a time table on my grief.

That I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving, and I will ignore those who try to tell me what I should or should not be feeling and how I should or should not be behaving.

That I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and that I will not hold  back my tears just because someone else feels I should be "brave" or "getting better" or "healing by now."

That I will talk about my child as often as I want to, and that I will not let others turn me off just because they can't deal with their own feelings.

That I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel, understanding that one who has not lost a child can not possibly know how it feels.

That I will not blame myself for my child's death,  and that  I will constantly remind myself that I did the best job of parenting I could possibly have done.But when feelings of guilt are overwhelming, I will remind myself that this is a normal part of the grief process and it, too, will pass.

That I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if I feel it is necessary.

That I will commune with my child at least once a day in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me, and that  I won't feel compelled to explain this communion to others or to justify or even discuss it with them.